Saturday, October 11, 2008

had my "last min" physics test today..went in..saw the questions..and had a mental block..the first time i had a mental block ever in my entire life during exam...things onli started flowing in my mind at the 30 min mark..by then it was all too late..i onli had 20 mins to finish 3 qns..(not mcq but short answer question)..ppl started leavning the venue after the paper but i just sat there..wondering what just happened.. i was thinking to myself..wad went wrong..the test was not really difficult but i just could not write anything..

this does not help me in any way..(my thinking of trying to wait and see my semester results)..it does not help in any way at all..it just buries me deeper and deeper...i tired telling ppl...screaming for help..wad they tell me is just to wait it out..try the best tat i can..and see the sem results..(not tat i am blaming them..but in a way..it does not help me at all)..i try to put those words of advice into action..but the harder the try..the deeper i sink...

after the test..went to orchard to look for a place..sit down..went online..and looked for other courses at NTU...not tat i did not try to continue..i tired..i really did..but as i said..the harder i tried the deeper i sink...i have come to a point that i dunno what to do anymore..i found something i like..but have to do more research on it first before i confirm anything..

u must be thinking...why did i choose something which right now i seem not to like..i chose mechatronics eng in poly just because of the choice of streaming to aerospace in the 3rd year..mainly because i was interested in planes and also designing..i wanted to do something related to planes and design..but i did nt factor in the mathematics tat comes with it..somehow i survived...

i chose mechanical eng in uni..because of the background knowledge frm poly..also because i could not get into aerospace and this was my second choice( not the choice i wanted but at tat time when i was choosing..i was narrow minded and only thought of eng..did not think whether i really liked wad i studied in the past)...tat mistake..led me to where i am now..but wads done is done and i cannot undo it..whats stopping me frm dropping my course is now just my parents..if not i wld have dropped a long time ago..

but this may not be true for long..i may one day..just snap again..when tat day comes it will be the end..no matter wad my parents say...will not help anymore..so i am now hanging by a thin thread...when tat thread snaps..the end...